The “Tough Guise”
The myth of the "real man" is linked intimately with the phenomenon of the "tough guise," wherein boys and men learn to show the world only those parts of themselves that the dominant culture has defined as manly. You can find out what those qualities are by simply listening to young men themselves.
Even at a remarkably young age, boys are likely to be well-versed in the rules of the macho game. Males absorb early on and from everywhere that not only is there such a thing as a "real" man, but also that there is a high price to pay for not qualifying as one.
For boys, across racial, ethnic and socioeconomic lines, being a real man often means being tough and strong, and fitting into the narrow box that defines ideal manhood.
Boys pick up on this act, learn what’s inside the box and what’s outside, from a culture that feeds - and feeds off of - masculine stereotypes. Beyond individual boys and their unique struggles, there are larger social and historical forces at work that affect the way individuals live their lives.
The media help construct violent masculinity as a cultural norm. Even a cursory survey of media imagery and discourse reveals quite strikingly the repeated and unquestioned assumption that violence is not so much a deviation as it is an accepted part of masculinity.
Jackson Katz
As I drive down the hill where we used to live, I wonder where Andy, Tim, and tom are nowadays. They were the toughs who lived there when I was a kid. Back in the late 1960s we called them "hoods." The three of them would conspire with hoods down the road to attach me and throw my bike into the woods and my Newsdays into the sewer (he had a paper route). Their words still echo in my ears: "Hippie Jew faggot."
What they were really saying was, "You are the Other. You are a stranger. You are not like us. We like sports and fast cars, You like music and theater and poetry.
- Jeffrey Salkin, Searching for My Brothers
The spirit of modernity is Jewish, no matter how one looks at it....Women and Jews are pimps, it is their goal to make man guilty. Our era is not only the most Jewish, it is also the most feminine of eras...
There is nothing with which the Jew can truly identify, no cause for which he can risk his life unreservedly. What the Jew lacks is not the zealot but the zeal, because anything undivided, anything whole, is alien to him. It is the simplicity of belief that he lacks and it is because he lacks this simplicity and stands for nothing positive that he seems to be more intelligent than the Aryan and is supple enough to wriggle out of any oppression. Inner ambiguity, I repeat, is absolutely Jewish, simplicity is absolutely un-Jewish.
- Otto Weininger, Sex and Character
(24) And when her days to be delivered were fulfilled, behold, there were twins in her womb. (25) And the first came forth ruddy, all over like a hairy mantle; and they called his name Esau. (26) And after that came forth his brother, and his hand had hold on Esau’s heel; and his name was called Jacob. And Isaac was threescore years old when she bore them. (27) And the boys grew; and Esau was a cunning hunter, a man of the field; and Jacob was a quiet man, dwelling in tents. (28) Now Isaac loved Esau, because he did eat of his venison; and Rebekah loved Jacob. (29) And Jacob sod pottage; and Esau came in from the field, and he was faint. (30) And Esau said to Jacob: ‘Let me swallow, I pray thee, some of this red, red pottage; for I am faint.’ Therefore was his name called Edom. (31) And Jacob said: ‘Sell me first thy birth right.’ (32) And Esau said: ‘Behold, I am at the point to die; and what profit shall the birthright do to me?’ (33) And Jacob said: ‘Swear to me first’; and he swore unto him; and he sold his birthright unto Jacob. (34) And Jacob gave Esau bread and pottage of lentils; and he did eat and drink, and rose up, and went his way. So Esau despised his birthright.
When [Rebecca] would pass the doors of the Torah academies … Jacob struggled to come out, while when she passed the doors of the idolatry, Esau struggled to come out (Rashi). Why would Jacob want to come out when the Talmud teaches that when a child is still in the womb, “they [angels] teach him Torah (Niddah 30)?” [because] It is difficult for a righteous person to be in the same location as a wicked person, even if he is studying Torah from an angel.
- R’Bunim of Pshischa
Life is war, and masculinity has to be achieved and constantly fought for. Men are always in danger of succumbing to softness…femaleness or servility.
Stanley Stowers, A Rereading of Romans: Justice, Jews, and Gentiles
(א) בן זומא אומר:איזהו חכם? הלומד מכל אדם, שנאמר: (תהלים קיט צט): "מכל מלמדי השכלתי כי עדותיך שיחה לי".איזהו גבור? הכובש את יצרו , שנאמר (משלי טז לב): "טוב ארך אפים מגבור ומשל ברוחו מלכד עיר".איזהו עשיר? השמח בחלקו, שנאמר: (תהלים קכח ב): "יגיע כפיך כי תאכל אשריך וטוב לך".אשריך, בעולם הזה .וטוב לך, לעולם הבא.איזהו מכֻבד? המכבד את הבריות, שנאמר: (שמואל א ב ל): "כי מכבדי אכבד ובזי יקלו".
(1) Ben Zoma says: Who is the wise one? He who learns from all men, as it says, "I have acquired understanding from all my teachers" (Psalms 119:99). Who is the mighty one? He who conquers his desire, as it says, "slowness to anger is better than a mighty person and one who rules over his spirit than a conqueror of a city." (Proverbs 16:32). Who is the rich one? He who is happy with his lot, as it says, "When you eat [from] the work of your hands, you will be happy, and it will be well with you" (Psalms 128:2). "You will be happy" in this world, and "it will be well with you" in the world to come. Who is honored? He who honors the created beings, as it says, "For, those who honor Me, I will honor; and those who despise me will be held in little esteem" (I Samuel 2:30).
No one could have matched Josephus's gripping description of what took place on the summit of Masada on that fateful night in the spring of 73 A.D. Whatever the reasons, whether the pangs of conscience or some other cause we cannot know, the fact is that...his report of the words uttered by Elazar ben Yair is so compelling, that it seems evident that he had been genuinely overwhelmed by the record of heroism on the part of the people he had forsaken,
- Yigael Yadin, Masada: Herod's Fortress and the Zealots' Last Stand
In the narrow Jewish street our poor limbs soon forgot their gay movements; in the dimness of sunless houses our eyes began to blink shyly; the fear of constant persecution turned our powerful voices into frightened whispers, which rose in crescendo only when our martyrs on the stakes cried out their dying prayers in the face of their executioners. But now… at least we are allowed space enough for our bodies to live again. Let us take up or oldest traditions; let us once more become deep-chested, sturdy, sharp-eyed men.
...For no other people will gymnastics fulfill a more educational purpose than for us Jews. It shall straighten us in body and in character. It shall give us self-confidence, although our enemies maintain that we already have too much self-confidence as it is. But who knows better than we do that their imputations are wrong. We completely lack a sober confidence in our physical prowess.
Our new muscle-Jews have not yet regained the heroism of our forefathers who in large numbers eagerly entered the sport arenas in order to take part in competition and to pit themselves against the highly trained Hellenistic athletes and the powerful Nordic barbarians. But morally, even now the new muscle-Jews surpass their ancestors, for the ancient Jewish circus fighters were ashamed of their Judaism and tried to conceal the sign of the Covenant by means of a surgical operation…while the members of the "Bar Kochba" club loudly and proudly affirm their national loyalty.
- Max Nordau, 1903
“Happy is the man who fears the Lord” (Psalm 112:1).
Happy is the man and not the woman? R. Amram said in the name of Rav, “Happy is the one who repents when he is a man.” R. Yehoshua b. Levi said: “Happy is the one who overpowers his yetzer like a man.”
Avoda Zara 19a